As parents, we’ve got plenty of serious things to deal with. I think that’s why so many of us enjoy playing the occasional video game – it gives us a few moments to unwind, relax, and even take on a different role for a while. One that doesn’t involve diapers, sixteen meals per day, or chauffeuring children to various events. So, since we don’t quite have enough time to play a round of whatever-your-favorite-game is right now, instead let’s have a parenting humor and video game mashup, shall we?
Can I get a /wave from all my other gaming friends out there? Yes, this ginger/mama/writer enjoys playing the occasional video game. After all, playing Mario Kart as a family can be a lot of fun!
Parenting Humor: if being a parent were a video game – or a Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game (MMORPG)
Okay, so if that just overwhelmed you, then you might be happier reading about how being a nurse made me a better mom.
But if any part of you giggled at the ridiculous thought of a parenting and video game mashup, well… let’s get nerdy!
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Y’all, there’s a lot of MMO’s out there. Here’s just a quick list, with links to them on Amazon:
And those are just the ones I’ve tried!
There’s a ton more out there. I’ve even loved watching The Guild, Felicia Day’s homage to MMO gaming on Amazon. The song, Lions!, by Lights and available on Amazon, is a pretty awesome song that’s a throwback to her days WOW’ing it up.
And those are just the MMO’s I’ve played. Y’all don’t wanna know how many games I own on my Steam account… (because c’mon y’all… a Lego Harry Potter game for $5?? I’m totally buying that to play with my kids!)
Okay, enough with the geek cred, right? But what if we could have a little fun with our own parenting and video game mashup? We could make our own MMORPG called “Being a Parent.” Okay, it’s not an actual game. But sometimes, it’s still fun to throw gamer terms into parenting for a few laughs.
So what if parenting were an MMORPG…
Well, to start, there’s none of that 6-man grouping or raiding going on. Nope – your team or fellowship or guild is limited to 2. Although, on occasion, you can call for backup in the form of parents, babysitters, or amazing friends.
Here’s a typical
playthrough day in the Parenting MMO:
- 6:30 am: The horde wakes up and swarms your fellowship. You go full-out spell-caster mode and spam skills like breakfast, Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, and just take your tablet already in an attempt to contain them. It works… barely.
- 7:30 am: By now, your Parenting partner has left for work. Before he left, he tried leaving some Paladin-style buffs on you, but you both know it won’t last past the hour.
- 8:30 am: You’ve successfully gotten the school-aged kids off onto the bus. You wonder if you ought to schedule a play date, just so that you have the option for a 2nd
- 9:30 am: It’s time to put down the youngest down for a nap. You try some CC (crowd control) tactics on the older kids so that they’ll stay quiet long enough for the bard music to work in lulling the baby to sleep. Some days, it even works. Today isn’t one of those days.
- 11:30 am: You’ve spent the last few hours kiting the
Bosskids – literally running them around so that they wear themselves out while you try desperately not to be KO’d by them or their DOTs (damage over time). Because we both know if they catch you, they will jump on you until you cry.
- 12:30 pm: It’s lunchtime. It’s time to try and juggle a few roles: crowd control as you herd the
catskids into the kitchen; healer as you try to refuel the very demons who you were just trying to take out not 30 minutes ago; and tank as you try not to get pushed into serving cookies for lunch again. (This round goes to the kids. Cookies it is, y’all.)
- 1:30 pm: It’s rest time, or so you tell the kids. You go into spell-caster mode again, this time using spells like books, Big Hero 6, and begging to get the kids to sit still for 2.5 minutes so that you can toss a few self-heals before the baby wakes up from her afternoon nap.
- 3:30 pm: By now, you’ve transitioned fully to a paladin style play – you’re just flat-out praying that backup arrives home before you go native. You’re even be counting down the last few minuets until the older kids get home from school, so that they can take over playing with their siblings. Homework can wait, right?
- 5:30 pm: If you’re lucky, backup has arrived and is handling the crowd control so you can whip up some grub – or consider ordering takeout – and catch your breath!
- 6:30 pm: One
bosskid announces he has to poop. You’re still cleaning up the carnage otherwise known as dinner, so your partner valiantly offers to handle the bathroom duties. Clean up is quickly interrupted by a call: “I need Crowd Control, quick!” It turns out the other two adskids wanted to go “fishing” in the toilet – and that’s definitely not a gamer term.
- 7:00 pm: Crowd control methods were successful. Toilet fishing disaster averted! And now you’re alternating roles as healer, crowd control, and tank as the two of you wrestle
a boss and adsall 4 kids into their pajamas. Throw in a spell of bribery and threatening to take away tablets tomorrow you even manage to get them to brush their teeth in a timely fashion.
- 8:00 pm: The boys were supposed to be asleep 30 minutes ago, so now you’re relegated from hero to antihero as you sling the awful spells of consequences to get them to be quiet. Tomorrow, they’ve lost tablets. Which means that you’ll be down one spell tomorrow, and you’re wondering who’s really being punished here…. Oh boy.
- 9:00 pm: Finally, all is quiet. The house is probably a disaster, and no amount of magic will fix that. It’s time to focus on self-care and rejuvenation because it’s going to be an early
playthroughday tomorrow. You buff with some funny Parks & Rec before you turn off the gamecollapse into bed.
- 2:15 am: Wonder if you heard the baby… and pray she goes back to sleep. Y’all don’t need another sleep regression to deal with, too.
Parenting – the only game that keeps going (and going and going…)
Most games have an ending. Either you reach the end of the storyline, you hit the level cap and max out all the endgame material, or you just get sick of it and you move on to something else.
Yeah, that doesn’t end. Like, ever.
But you know what? When you beat an in-game boss and finish an epic quest line, it’s pretty awesome. But when your kids come up to you and give you a hug, a sloppy wet kiss, and tell you how much they love you? That puts any in-game accomplishment to shame.
Because while a game gives you a few hours (or 135+ *cough* Breath of the Wild *cough*) of entertainment, parenting gives you endless ups, downs, and everything in between. Yes, it’s dang hard. But it’s also one of the most rewarding, amazing, and difficult things you’ll ever do.
So take a moment, friends. Laugh a little about what parenting would be like if it were a video game. And then remember that you’ve got this – and we’re all rooting for you.
Like this? Awesome. Be sure to save this for those rough days – and then share it with another gamer parent who needs some lolz.
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